Week 4...Deb Hughes

This week has been good and bad for me. My family lost a very special woman this week, Grandma Todd. She was actually my great Grandmother who was 97 and out lasted her Husband, kids, and even a Great Grand child, my brother Josh. She had seen 2 world wars, the great depression and all kinds of other huge events in her life. Grandma Todd was a delight to be around. I remember visiting her a lot when I was younger and just loved being around her. It's always hard to lose someone you love, but she had a full life and now she is finally Home. I know my brother is having a party for her now in heaven. Please pray for my mom especially, as she is in D.C. right now for meetings with "The Gold Star Mothers". It never happens at a good time I suppose.

I have been busy with work and enjoying this rain as it's brought good business for me! Praying without ceasing has proven to be a hard task, but I'm not giving up. I will say it has been very easy to neglect my journey as I have been so busy with the hustle and bustle of work. I seem to have a harder time focusing on my relationship with God when things are busy and going well. Interesting I must say.

On another note, I have the best mother in law in the world and she is definitely the most beautiful:-) I decided to marry Jor after I first met Deb, that is what she means to me... (plus I knew jordan had good genes in her too, haha!) Deb is a high school chemistry and physics teacher, a very smart and, I must say, wise lady. She wrote me a couple of days ago and I would like to share her letter of encouragement. It came at the perfect time, and I can't thank you enough Deb for your love and amazing grace you have for me. I truly respect and want the relationship you have with our Heavenly Father. If Deb prays, God answers. Here it is:

Hey sweet boy of mine! I'm enjoying reading your blog, and participating with you as you seek to pray continuously. (I think I earlier told you that I refer to these prayers throughout the day as "breath prayers"..."Oh, sweet Lord, thank you for this beautiful moon." Or, "Father God, be with my sweet Jared today as he looks for You and seeks to honor You." ;o)

I just wanted to say that as I read your blog, I continue to see a theme of you beating yourself up over past regrets, or sin, or feelings of worthlessness, or whatever. Jared, sweetness, be grateful for your past, whatever it may be! We can't change it--it is what it is....BUT....I have so many sins in my life that I could allow to make me feel unworthy, but honestly, these sins and shortcomings are a part of my history and they are one of the reasons that I understand the depths of God's forgiveness; they are one of the reasons that I'm able to not judge others; they are why I'm aware that I've faced down some pretty ferocious demons and won... Do you remember me telling you one time that a girlfriend shared her deepest secret with me and then said, "I couldn't tell you these things if you had your act together." Whhhaaaaatttt????? Funny, huh? But, I get it. She was telling me that she could approach me because she knew I'd understand; she knew that I had failed in my own life, but didn't stay defeated by Satan. I was, and am, as Henri Nouwen says, "A wounded healer"...I love that. (Maybe that should be my tattoo..."Abba's child" on one arm and "wounded healer" on the other! ;o) )

The point I'm trying to make to you is that we all can be self-depreciating--we all can find "stuff" that we're ashamed of or that we wish we could take back or that we wish we had never done. But that's the beauty of our redemption...we're redeemed, washed, LOVED by the Creator of the Cosmos! Glory!!!! How grateful I am that I can hand it all over to Him and let Him deal with it--it's exhausting trying to do it yourself. So, I encourage you to do the hard thing, the brave thing, and embrace the life your Dad wants to give you...a forgiven and extraordinarily loved one...

Don't forget that you are "a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor"..

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

In Abba's tender embrace....

deb

love you guys,

JARED

end week 3

Wow, this week has really been the hardest week for me on this journey. As I started, I said to myself, "get moving and pass week 3". Well the end is here in a couple of days. I may have come close so far, but that doesn't mean I have succeeded by any means. It has been so hard, to make myself do the things I could easily do during the first week. While the second week got a little worse, the third has been a brittle wall. I am making way, just not as much as I would have hoped.

Phil. 4:13

I seem to slip back into my old ways easier now, and can feel this spiritual battle bouncing back and fourth inside my skin. This Blog has been the best accountability for me, and a reason to keep going. I am not giving up this easy! Satan wants me too, and as I wrote before, I seem to be haunted by my old regrets and falling for his dark words of selfishness and worthlessness. I can say I must be doing something right to create such attention. This is a changing in my life, my spirit, my all and everything. I am becoming a new man, desiring to be like Jesus and shut down these lonely feelings and nasty temptations. I am so excited to read and study through "Screwtape Letters". It is good for us to have a bit of an understanding of the battles that continually take place in and around our lives. We have power over the enemy and we can learn how to use that power in Christ, and also how Satan seems to work.

Gen. Patton studied Rommel in WWII. He learned how he thought, and how he planned such powerful strikes against our Allies. He read his books, and studied him and his life before they met on the battle field later on in the year. I'm not saying we should get too deep into studying the devil and stuff, because I think we can go too far on those things. But, "Screwtape Letters" has definitely broadened my expectations and knowledge of how these things could actually go down. I'm anxious to learn, because I feel like I have been attacked quite a bit. But The Devil is a tied up dog. He can bark, but he cannot bite when we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts.

I'm trying my best to wake up new and pray for my day. One day at a time, a moment at a time. We never know when its our last. So, lets enjoy it and fellowship with God, and Praise Jesus because we get to live in heaven with them forever!

Phil. 4:13

Love, JARED

week 3

This week, I want to focus on Gods Love. I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God. Its been a really tough couple of weeks. Especially this last one, seemingly quite low on myself. So I'm focusing on Gods Love, and Loving myself. I cannot comprehend Gods Love for us. I'm sure its going to be some huge word in heaven that we have not heard yet.

Anyways, Milam sent me an email with more SPURGEON! Love it! Basically we have been involved in watching some debates on the existance of God. Im sure the first quote was spurred from that. I thought is would be cool to share, so Milam take it away Brotha and Quote me some Spurge:


This quote from Spurgeon floored me:

Let me ask you, how many atheists are now in this house? Perhaps not a single one
of you would accept the title, and yet, if you live from Monday morning to Saturday
night in the same way as you would live if there were no God, you are practical
atheists; and as actions speak more loudly than words, you are more atheists than
those doctrinal unbelievers who disavow God with their mouths, and, after all, are
secretly afraid of him.

On prayer:

I hear of people praying for an hour together. I am very pleased that they can; but
it is seldom that I can do so, and I see no need for it. It is like a person going into a
bank with a cheque, and stopping an hour. The clerks would wonder. The common-
sense way is to go to the counter and show your cheque, and take your money, and go
about your business. There is a style of prayer which is of this fine practical
character. You so believe in God that you present the promise, obtain the blessing,
and go about your Master’s business. Sometimes a flood of words only means
excusing unbelief. The prayers of the Bible are nearly all short ones: they are short
and strong.

Amen. I will write again soon.
Love, Jared Ryan

week 2. Ephesians 6:13-18

I will count today as a step in the right direction. As I was working, I was able to remind myself to pray, instead of thinking to myself all day. I think this is a step, not a leap by any means. I hope to automatically pray one day instead of thinking of praying, and making myself do it. Lets face it, sometimes I actually find myself wanting to just "think" instead of talking to God. I am not sure if it's laziness, or if it is the old me trying to figure life out on my own. I have a feeling it's both and then some:-) It's funny, because even something as little as brainstorming to myself, i tend to want to do it behind Gods back or in my own little corner where I feel comfort in myself. Reality is, I don't have my own corner, and if I did, I would never, ever figure out how to get out.

For those of you that are on this journey with me, I want to just encourage you guys to commit this scripture to memory. It is Ephesians 6:10-20 The Armor of God. This is something we can use throughout our day as we are continually tempted to fall. I know it sounds cheesy and Sunday school, but I believe in the power of prayer, and this is such a powerful way to start everyday. I am memorizing the NIV, that actually goes through the armor of Christ. But I wanted to post a version from "The Message". I just like how it reads.

"Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting, you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."

I can't help but think of the movie "Brave Heart", and being one of the few still standing after a battle while reading this: "so that when it's all over but the shouting, you'll still be on your feet."


Honestly, my biggest struggle lately is forgiveness. I have always felt like I have been able to forgive people easily, but it's not forgiving others so much, as it is myself. I know God is dealing with this in me, and I seem to pray a lot about things I regret in my past. I wish I had never done them, but I am daily haunted of these sins. I really believe this is a big part of the spiritual warfare that is going on in the midst of our very own lives. It is happening right now, and will not stop until God has put a stop to Satan, which is going to be an amazing thing to witness!!! If I think William Wallace is rad, wait until we see God and his army defeat Satan! I mean Gabriel and Michael are a million times cooler than superman and batman put together. When Jesus was tempted, he used scripture and prayer to get through and eventually defeated Satan and lived a sinless life. I know Satan will use what he can do to get us down, discouraged, and feeling worthless, especially when we are a threat to him. For me, as I mentioned before, I feel like I am on a higher plane now and some of my hardest struggles I had are seemingly not as difficult to overcome. The devil will pull things out of nowhere that have never been struggles before and try to stop us in our tracks and make us feel unworthy of of Gods love, or even unworthy of our family and friends love. I am speaking to myself now, because I need to hear this more than anyone. I encourage you to read "The Screwtape Letters" From C.S. Lewis. It is his depiction of how spiritual warfare is from a demons standpoint including the planning and patience that go into ruining our lives and ultimately perishing in hell. It will give you goosebumps the whole time you read it. I am really excited about Milam and Ashley's new small group they are starting tonight, which "speak of the devil"...pun intended, is going to be a group study focused on "The Screwtape Letters", and the truth about the continuous battle that takes place here on earth.

I really want to focus on memorizing the Armor of God, and put it to use every single day.

Love,
JARED

Week 2...Day 12

Its been a few days now since I have written on here. I am not doing any better, or praying anymore than what I was doing last week. But this is the beginning of a new week, so I am planning on changing that. The easiest part to forget, is making myself prepared for the day before I step out of bed. I forget this too much, so I'm going to make a note that reminds me every time I wake up, Ill see it and hopefully practice it. If I can get a good start of my day, that quick, than the rest of my day seems to be great! I recommend you trying this before leaving your bed even. Make yourself talk to God, ask and pray about the day. Focus on today, and focus on Him as you walk through your day. It works. For me, it is a must. If I do not, my day will be up and down, trying to get things done like a normal day. It not just a normal day when you start it with Christ, and spend it with Him, and you finish it with Him in prayer before sleep. It is such a joy, to look back on those days. Think of looking back on hundreds or thousands of those days? Life would seem full! It takes a strong will to do this. I hope I can pray without ceasing one of these days. But its going to take personal change and work within myself. I have to give up things. God has to shape me, and unfortunately its not an easy process usually. This is where being humbled comes to play in this whole new chapter of my life. I'm sure the days will be good and bad just like the rest. But I intend on learning from the good and the bad more than ever. I want to truly soak up every living experience I have, because I believe Wisdom is powerful. Solomon prayed for wisdom. Not money, but wisdom, and God made him one of, if not the most wise men that ever lived ( From what I understand ). Its times like these, with tests and all, we learn things that can apply later on to our life, And the lives of others.

God, Mold me. I want to be who you want me to be. I want to be like Christ. Help me, and give me the strength I need to change, and withstand your molding process. I love you.
J

Day 7, Faith

Its crazy how I wrote about having a good day yesterday, and feeling above the old ways I have struggled. Only to be pulled down by some again today. I feel as though my temptations of Self and trials I receive are never far. I know a temptation itself is no sin. But I am a sinner that falls victim to my temptations everyday, whatever they must be. Its life I guess, and it seems easy some days, and hard most others. I absolutely love C.H. Spurgeon. All though he is a bit over my head at times, he puts things the way they are, with no holding back at all. Going through the day and feeling down on myself, I went to his devotion for the evening, and it was on Faith. I love the last part of it that says:

" You are a tree that never would have rooted so well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro, and made you take firm hold upon the precious truths of the covenant grace. Worldly ease is a great foe to faith; it loosens the joints of holy valour, and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. The balloon never rises until the cords are cut; affliction doth this sharp service for believing souls. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk it is useless to man, it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value can be known. Thus it is well that Jehovah trieth the righteous, for it causeth them to grow rich towards God."

Worldly ease is a great foe to faith! Man he is good, and makes me feel tougher by reading this devotion. Earlier in the text, he said this:

"Yet no shower falls unpermitted from the threatening cloud; every drop has its order ere it hastens to the earth."

God is in control! Although I am thrown things I don't believe as a human, I can handle. Like the death of my brother. But I do believe God can handle them all. He will not allow a storm to come that I cannot survive and make it through a better, stronger, and a wiser person because God is by my side. He is my ultimate Shield from the storm.

I love you, and I am blessed to share this with you. The good news.
JARED

P.S. Satan, Here is my foot stomping on your head!

Day 6 Deisiring to be Holy

Its been a good day today. I have to admit that the depression I fight everyday, got the upper hand on me today for the first part of my day. Usually it ruins my whole day. But this evening made it all better, by spending time with my wife. Also we had fun hangin' with Chelsea tonight, just talking stories from the past week and laughing. My wife and I read devotions every night before we go to bed. Oswald Chambers had some cool things to say about God making us Holy!

"We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease. The only thing that truly matters is whether a person will accept the God who will make him holy. At all costs, a person must have the right relationship with God."

Continuous prayer brings me back to the days that I was an open book. If you are in continuous prayer, you are seeking God, and have a mental sense of whats right and whats wrong. I now feel like I am on a higher plane, and the struggles of my past are below and behind me. Also, I have a great sense of forgiveness. There are things we wish we had never done, that can haunt us at anytime. Its a scary thing that feels like it will last until you die. But that is not true. God not only forgives, but he forgets the forgiven sins of our past. So shall we! Its all about creating for ourselves, a "God Centered" life. Which means the selfish wants we have need to go away. Then God can truly give us what we need. Easier said than done no doubt. Continuous prayer, will certainly help.

Love,
JARED

Day 5. show me

So, today was a good day. I was able to snap my attention towards praying several times today while doing different things. I will take this day as a positive one on this conquest of mine.
Its real hard to make myself listen. I find myself talking to God more throughout the day, but its also about listening to him, and really focusing in on God.

This evening, milam invited me to watch a video of a debate on the evidence of Gods existance. I must say, it was very interesting to hear what these debaters had to say. All in all, it seems to me that it takes more faith to believe that there is no God, the creator, than to examine the evidence in proving that there is. I can write a book about this if I had the time and brains. We learned a lot, I will say that. Part 2 will be even more interesting from what we were told. It will be showing at the village chapel next tue. if anyone wants to come watch. You will find it interesting I promise.
I hope and pray that I can allow God to start showing me who He is more than ever. I feel the need to do this, and seek His presence. Its rad to think about what could happen in the near future. I know He will show Himself to me in a way I have never experienced Him before. What a cool ride this is!
Until tomorrow. Pray, listen, and you too will see the face of our Father.
Isaiah 41:10