Thank you Lord for Pain

-Numbness can occur when sustained pressure has been applied over a nerve - inhibiting/stimulating its function. (wikipedia)

I wish I was Numb sometimes, simply because I just don't want to hurt or feel pain. I guess this is common to us humans, and it is more of an epidemic now as we battle these Drug issues today. Its especially hard when we can just ask our Doc for something to wash away the pain I may have in my back and he just writes out a permission slip and signs.
I have a friend that had a wife and has 2 kids, he lived your normal life. Long story very short he had bad things happen to him and now he is in a vegetable state of mind for reasons I cant really explain. His wife left him because of this, and he hardly understands the fact that he has a boy and a little girl. Do I really want to be numb?
I have a dream of having a baby one day. To see my nephew Gunnar born was one of the happiest days and experiences of my life. I cried, I laughed and thanked God for such a beautiful miracle. I cannot imagine having a baby of my own. Do I wanna be numb?
I think the Devil uses paresthesias to his advantage at times. I am no where near God when I feel numb. Its a blessing how God created numbness for when our arm gets cut off, or like when my brother Josh died I felt numb for quite a while. I really believe sometimes its Gods Grace, especially when dealing with death our bodies that God created tend to go through the numb phase of Grief and I know its for a good reason, but what a perversion it has become. To see friends abuse this feeling, and to give everything they have in their lives up just to feel it is a scary thought.

I battle depression and I would lie if I said I didn't want pain. Its something I never understood until I went through it. Just like everything else in this life, and now I think the experience is freedom! Man if I was the first to go through these problems, I really don't think I could have made it through them. You see, God used so many people in my life that has had worse experiences than me, or that have made worse decisions than me, but more importantly they all made it through and were able in allowing God through their forgiven heart to save mine. Thank you for allowing those people to suffer. Thank you for my sufferings, because the pain in my past through Christ Jesus has been made Joy. It has Made me who I am and it has brought me closer to Jesus. It has freed me from my ignorance, pride, and negativeness towards others. It has taught me how to Pray. I have learned how weak I really am as a human, and how powerful God is as my Father. I have learned not to Judge, but to be humbled by others experiences.
Through the power of my Savior I have already won this fight. You see, when we go through hell we come out stronger than ever. Satan thinks he wins these battles and he very well might sometimes, but not our battles, because in the midst of shit and tears we are being made into bigger, and sharper swords. I love how God can turn the worst possible thing in our life into the best thing that ever happened in our life. Of course my God is going to take a negative and make it a positive.



“Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to the tremendous difficulties” CH Spurgeon



I dare you to except the pain of growing. Going through life was never promised to be easy, but by the Glory of God, and the freedom in Jesus, removing the weight of this world has never been easier :-)

-Removing the pressure will typically result in gradual relief of these paresthesias, often described as a "pins and needles" feeling. (wikipedia)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

God Bless, and I love you.
Jared

A Birdcage Religion

A Birdcage Religion

so slowly i'm losing
who i've sworn to be.
a promise in pencil
that years have made so hard to read.
i've spent my life building walls
brick by brick and bruise by bruise...
a birdcage religion that whispered me to sleep.

but time is spinning silk
that coils ruthlessly;
with the devil's patience,
it binds my hands so quietly
that soon it becomes a part of me.

so soften these edges and straighten out my tie.
and help me remember
the hope that i have compromised.

please be a broken record for me.
..................................................................................................
Sleeping At Last
Storyboards

Please go listen to it or just buy the dang record!

Grace

Stand and be yourself, if we do not except the Grace of God then we do not share it. Its by the Grace of God we are here today, forgiven, free, and have eternal life with our Savior in heaven. The Love of God is mesmerizing, how stupid am I to listen to satan and ignore this Love that fills my heart day in day out. Its daily choices we have, and its daily we have to choose to Stand and except Grace. The work we do without Gods Grace is impossible and almost unbearable at times without allowing the Holy Spirit to fill our heart and void with our Father and His daily gift of Love, joy, mercy, forgiveness, Grace feels like it Gods breath filling my lungs, it is communication with our Father drawing us closer and it is not only internal but eternal. Its a never ending PEACE! What a gift I have gladly received by my perfect Dad, its a gift I do not deserve. Much like the gift of Jesus. Its a gift we have to except, receive and be grateful for. So stand up friends! Live, here and now, responsible, honorable, and God-fearing lives. And also... "See to it that no one misses the grace of God..." Hebrews 12:15

Titus 2:11-12 (Phi) For the grace of God, which can save every man, has now been shown for all men, and it teaches us to have no more to do with godlessness or the desires of this world but to live, here and now, responsible, honorable, and God-fearing lives.

So be strong, and remember that in continuous prayer we present a problem to Satan. An impenetrable cloud will be among you, Hold Fast.

Love,

JARED

"I have ovecome the world"

When I see a "life is good" sticker on a car, I want to stop and go up to the person driving and ask them what world are they living in, because I want to move and experience the good life with them. I just wonder how many people have put that sticker on their car and removed it shortly after because they had to be at a high point in life to buy it and put it on their $30,000 car. I'm sorry if you have this sticker and if it stands for something I don't know about, or means something to you. I am so blessed and definitely love certain aspects of my life, but I just wish it would stay true as long as it was on my car.

Its comforting to hear my Mom or Dad tell me not to worry, and that everything is going to be alright. I'm not quite sure how I could get through some days without hearing that from them, its like an automatic peace phrase for me no matter if it is in person, over the phone, or written. It also reminds me that things could always be worse deep in my mind. Its when I look at LIFE and the BIG picture that I get overwhelmed and think too much, and sometimes hearing its going to be fine does not seem to calm the beast of worry in my head. Why is it that hearing this from God so many times in the bible, I still seem to worry? Maybe I haven't been looking at the small things in life as much as I really need to. Like watching my wife snore at night, I'm just glad she is breathing. Or how I remembered how to tie my shoes today, I'm just glad I have shoes. Or walking in my home and seeing how happy my dog is to see me again, I'm just happy to be loved. Man, isn't it just sad how we forget that we are so blessed, and to worry about tomorrow and what we will eat or wear. I forget that the sun rises everyday, and gravity keeps my feet on the ground, and oxygen fills my lungs, and I have have never ever controlled any of these things in my life, and I doubt that you have either. Even though I know a couple of people think they hung the moon, but I think they have to be 3 sheets in the wind to think of themselves so highly.

I want to share this scripture.

Matthew 6:31-33
Do not worry then, saying, "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?"' or "What will we wear for clothing?" For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Wow, the only way I can ever live without worry is to know that there is more to it than this life, and the One that I serve can actually make me a promise that I have reason to rest in peace.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33.

Love,
Jared

Polamalu

I am exhausted by my sinful nature. Things have been good lately. Its hard for me when I feel fine, its the time I am a stale believer. This gravity is a strong force and it is seemingly pulling me down with it these days. Thats why I am writing on here I guess.

One of my favorite football players is Troy Polamalu and I didnt even know he was a believer until recently. But I found this short interview of him and he talks about Prayer. Really cool stuff to see, and very encouraging. Watch it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScKhG3RB1qY

I love you guys, and I hope you will keep your chins up during these winter days!
JARED

Journey of Love, and Faith

This is from The Screwtape Letters, by: CS Lewis
It is a letter that Screwtape (mentor) wrote to his young predecessor "wormwood", who is the demon in charge of this "Patient/human". The patient took a walk to an old mill that had sentimental value, and memories of his family from years ago. Wormwood allowed him to walk alone for a bit, and the patient ended up recollecting memories and at some point began to pray on this walk. This is what Screwtape is telling Wormwood in his letter, to teach him to never allow this to happen again for these reasons.

"As you have ought to have known, the asphyxiating cloud which prevented your attacking the patient on his walk back from the old mill, is a well known phenomenon. It is the Enemy's (God) most barbarous weapon, and generally appears when He is directly present to the patient under certain modes not yet fully classified. Some humans are permanently surrounded by it and therefore inaccessible to us"

Very interesting, even though this is CS Lewis' take on what happens in spiritual warfare I have a feeling it could possibly be just like this. As the patient began praying, screwtape mentions this phenomenon, as Gods most barbarous weapon. PRAYER. Just the image of this gives me chills to think about. To their eyes, we have a thick haze, or fog around us that they cannot penetrate. Its the power of God through prayer! Now that has to make you feel like praying if you haven't already started. I love the end when he mentions that some humans are permanently surrounded by this and it makes us inaccessible. They don't understand Love. They don't understand Gods Love for us and the freedom he has given us out of Love. There are certain things that they do not have a clue about, because only God does and he shares some of that with us. Prayer is a weapon, and prayer is so much more than a weapon, but prayer is communicating with our Father, a way to experience Him first hand, his Love, Grace, and Joy just to name a few. Its to listen, and to talk, to learn, and sometimes cry out to God when we are in need of his warming embrace.

Spurgeon wrote:
Yes, my Lord, I long, I pant to feel Thy love flaming like a furnace within me. Come Thou Thyself and excite the ardour of my spirit.

"For every drop of crimson blood
Thus shed to make me live,
O wherefore, wherefore have not I
A thousand lives to give?"
Why should I despair of loving Jesus with a love as strong as death? He deserves it: I desire it. The martyrs felt such love, and they were but flesh and blood, then why not I? They mourned their weakness, and yet out of weakness were made strong. Grace gave them all their unflinching constancy—there is the same grace for me. Jesus, lover of my soul, shed abroad such love, even Thy love in my heart, this evening.

Humans, Faith is a big word if you really think about it, and look through the many scriptures that speak of it. Its big because its just huge! Faith is a huge part of our walk and every breath. When I am spending time with God and losing my pride, I certainly acquire more faith every time I pray. But then again, I use faith all of the time, but not faith in God all of the time. I still tend to have faith in myself, or faith in other things to help me get by. Its a stone I am climbing up slowly, and I will reach the top in having full and complete Faith in my Father.
If I was thrown in a Lions den tonight, you better believe I would be on my knees praying harder than ever. I would be asking the lions to just be my friend, and maybe if you let me out I can set up a nice big litter box outside my room for you and you could even sleep on my nice king size bed if you'd like. I'm putting my faith in the Lions! The difference here is, that Daniel didn't, he put his faith in the Lord.

Today is a good day. I am Loved to no end by my Father. I shall certainly rejoice and be very Glad in it.

Isaiah 41:10
Love Jared

month 2 never ceasing prayer

About now, I am having a hard time doing my routines as I once was able to do with ease. Pray, get going and work while I try to pray all day. Its become quite a task for me to handle and make myself do it. It is a struggle right now to say the least. But, I need to hop on the other side of the train track and keep forging ahead as I try to follow Christ's example he has given to us. See, the first week or 2 were seemingly going great. But things change and we have a battle going on around all of us. Someone does not want us to succeed in such a great way. Its a battle I will face tomorrow and I will throw on Gods Armor and pray my little heart out. Here we go.

on another note:

Jordan's best friend just lost her fiance' and this week the same girl just lost her dad in his sleep. 49 years old and as healthy as can be. Needless to say, it is a horrible time for them right now. Jor and I have had talks about feeling mad at God for letting something like this happen to her. Such a sweet, amazing, godly girl. It seems to happen all around and it does not skip the people we would like it to. I guess it just the fact that we are not guaranteed the next breath of air. Our time could come in the blink of an eye, and we will not know it. I have read a lot of scripture on living today as it would be your last. That sounds like an amazing thing if you think about it. To truly LIVE, your life everyday, and treat it as your last day on earth. I think I would worry less, I wouldn't be so selfish, and I wouldn't struggle with depression as much as I do. Just thinking about living your life to the fullest, no regrets and how awesome that would be. Then waking up the next morning, and truly realizing what a blessing it is to have another day in front of you! Wow, if I could get that way, I feel like I would take nothing for granted, and cherish everything God has given me even More! I might actually feel inclined to talk to strangers more, say I Love You more, work harder, be a better person and also help others. A lot of these things, I tend to believe I will have plenty more time to do them or to be that way. But I'm actually not sure if I will or wont soon. To live my day and treat it as my last, I would do all of these things and I would strive to honor the kingdom of heaven 110%. Do my best to be like Christ and Love everyone. God puts people and things in our lives for a reason.

We need to allow Gods light to shine through us, so we can be seen and used by Him everyday. I have been caught up in my marriage,and work, and bills, that's my day. I go to bed and do it again. God centered means to me, that my priorities are straight. God, and everything else after. When that is the case, no matter the struggle, God is in control of your life, and you will be okay. He wants us to succeed, and he wants us to share with others the joy, and hope, and Love we have through Jesus Christ. When we are God centered, it all falls into place and it works. Its hard, we are humans with veins and brains and wiring in us that makes us who we are. But with Christ in our life, and the promise we have of everlasting Love and life, we are Free.


Love JARED

Week 4...Deb Hughes

This week has been good and bad for me. My family lost a very special woman this week, Grandma Todd. She was actually my great Grandmother who was 97 and out lasted her Husband, kids, and even a Great Grand child, my brother Josh. She had seen 2 world wars, the great depression and all kinds of other huge events in her life. Grandma Todd was a delight to be around. I remember visiting her a lot when I was younger and just loved being around her. It's always hard to lose someone you love, but she had a full life and now she is finally Home. I know my brother is having a party for her now in heaven. Please pray for my mom especially, as she is in D.C. right now for meetings with "The Gold Star Mothers". It never happens at a good time I suppose.

I have been busy with work and enjoying this rain as it's brought good business for me! Praying without ceasing has proven to be a hard task, but I'm not giving up. I will say it has been very easy to neglect my journey as I have been so busy with the hustle and bustle of work. I seem to have a harder time focusing on my relationship with God when things are busy and going well. Interesting I must say.

On another note, I have the best mother in law in the world and she is definitely the most beautiful:-) I decided to marry Jor after I first met Deb, that is what she means to me... (plus I knew jordan had good genes in her too, haha!) Deb is a high school chemistry and physics teacher, a very smart and, I must say, wise lady. She wrote me a couple of days ago and I would like to share her letter of encouragement. It came at the perfect time, and I can't thank you enough Deb for your love and amazing grace you have for me. I truly respect and want the relationship you have with our Heavenly Father. If Deb prays, God answers. Here it is:

Hey sweet boy of mine! I'm enjoying reading your blog, and participating with you as you seek to pray continuously. (I think I earlier told you that I refer to these prayers throughout the day as "breath prayers"..."Oh, sweet Lord, thank you for this beautiful moon." Or, "Father God, be with my sweet Jared today as he looks for You and seeks to honor You." ;o)

I just wanted to say that as I read your blog, I continue to see a theme of you beating yourself up over past regrets, or sin, or feelings of worthlessness, or whatever. Jared, sweetness, be grateful for your past, whatever it may be! We can't change it--it is what it is....BUT....I have so many sins in my life that I could allow to make me feel unworthy, but honestly, these sins and shortcomings are a part of my history and they are one of the reasons that I understand the depths of God's forgiveness; they are one of the reasons that I'm able to not judge others; they are why I'm aware that I've faced down some pretty ferocious demons and won... Do you remember me telling you one time that a girlfriend shared her deepest secret with me and then said, "I couldn't tell you these things if you had your act together." Whhhaaaaatttt????? Funny, huh? But, I get it. She was telling me that she could approach me because she knew I'd understand; she knew that I had failed in my own life, but didn't stay defeated by Satan. I was, and am, as Henri Nouwen says, "A wounded healer"...I love that. (Maybe that should be my tattoo..."Abba's child" on one arm and "wounded healer" on the other! ;o) )

The point I'm trying to make to you is that we all can be self-depreciating--we all can find "stuff" that we're ashamed of or that we wish we could take back or that we wish we had never done. But that's the beauty of our redemption...we're redeemed, washed, LOVED by the Creator of the Cosmos! Glory!!!! How grateful I am that I can hand it all over to Him and let Him deal with it--it's exhausting trying to do it yourself. So, I encourage you to do the hard thing, the brave thing, and embrace the life your Dad wants to give you...a forgiven and extraordinarily loved one...

Don't forget that you are "a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor"..

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

In Abba's tender embrace....

deb

love you guys,

JARED

end week 3

Wow, this week has really been the hardest week for me on this journey. As I started, I said to myself, "get moving and pass week 3". Well the end is here in a couple of days. I may have come close so far, but that doesn't mean I have succeeded by any means. It has been so hard, to make myself do the things I could easily do during the first week. While the second week got a little worse, the third has been a brittle wall. I am making way, just not as much as I would have hoped.

Phil. 4:13

I seem to slip back into my old ways easier now, and can feel this spiritual battle bouncing back and fourth inside my skin. This Blog has been the best accountability for me, and a reason to keep going. I am not giving up this easy! Satan wants me too, and as I wrote before, I seem to be haunted by my old regrets and falling for his dark words of selfishness and worthlessness. I can say I must be doing something right to create such attention. This is a changing in my life, my spirit, my all and everything. I am becoming a new man, desiring to be like Jesus and shut down these lonely feelings and nasty temptations. I am so excited to read and study through "Screwtape Letters". It is good for us to have a bit of an understanding of the battles that continually take place in and around our lives. We have power over the enemy and we can learn how to use that power in Christ, and also how Satan seems to work.

Gen. Patton studied Rommel in WWII. He learned how he thought, and how he planned such powerful strikes against our Allies. He read his books, and studied him and his life before they met on the battle field later on in the year. I'm not saying we should get too deep into studying the devil and stuff, because I think we can go too far on those things. But, "Screwtape Letters" has definitely broadened my expectations and knowledge of how these things could actually go down. I'm anxious to learn, because I feel like I have been attacked quite a bit. But The Devil is a tied up dog. He can bark, but he cannot bite when we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts.

I'm trying my best to wake up new and pray for my day. One day at a time, a moment at a time. We never know when its our last. So, lets enjoy it and fellowship with God, and Praise Jesus because we get to live in heaven with them forever!

Phil. 4:13

Love, JARED

week 3

This week, I want to focus on Gods Love. I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God. Its been a really tough couple of weeks. Especially this last one, seemingly quite low on myself. So I'm focusing on Gods Love, and Loving myself. I cannot comprehend Gods Love for us. I'm sure its going to be some huge word in heaven that we have not heard yet.

Anyways, Milam sent me an email with more SPURGEON! Love it! Basically we have been involved in watching some debates on the existance of God. Im sure the first quote was spurred from that. I thought is would be cool to share, so Milam take it away Brotha and Quote me some Spurge:


This quote from Spurgeon floored me:

Let me ask you, how many atheists are now in this house? Perhaps not a single one
of you would accept the title, and yet, if you live from Monday morning to Saturday
night in the same way as you would live if there were no God, you are practical
atheists; and as actions speak more loudly than words, you are more atheists than
those doctrinal unbelievers who disavow God with their mouths, and, after all, are
secretly afraid of him.

On prayer:

I hear of people praying for an hour together. I am very pleased that they can; but
it is seldom that I can do so, and I see no need for it. It is like a person going into a
bank with a cheque, and stopping an hour. The clerks would wonder. The common-
sense way is to go to the counter and show your cheque, and take your money, and go
about your business. There is a style of prayer which is of this fine practical
character. You so believe in God that you present the promise, obtain the blessing,
and go about your Master’s business. Sometimes a flood of words only means
excusing unbelief. The prayers of the Bible are nearly all short ones: they are short
and strong.

Amen. I will write again soon.
Love, Jared Ryan

week 2. Ephesians 6:13-18

I will count today as a step in the right direction. As I was working, I was able to remind myself to pray, instead of thinking to myself all day. I think this is a step, not a leap by any means. I hope to automatically pray one day instead of thinking of praying, and making myself do it. Lets face it, sometimes I actually find myself wanting to just "think" instead of talking to God. I am not sure if it's laziness, or if it is the old me trying to figure life out on my own. I have a feeling it's both and then some:-) It's funny, because even something as little as brainstorming to myself, i tend to want to do it behind Gods back or in my own little corner where I feel comfort in myself. Reality is, I don't have my own corner, and if I did, I would never, ever figure out how to get out.

For those of you that are on this journey with me, I want to just encourage you guys to commit this scripture to memory. It is Ephesians 6:10-20 The Armor of God. This is something we can use throughout our day as we are continually tempted to fall. I know it sounds cheesy and Sunday school, but I believe in the power of prayer, and this is such a powerful way to start everyday. I am memorizing the NIV, that actually goes through the armor of Christ. But I wanted to post a version from "The Message". I just like how it reads.

"Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting, you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."

I can't help but think of the movie "Brave Heart", and being one of the few still standing after a battle while reading this: "so that when it's all over but the shouting, you'll still be on your feet."


Honestly, my biggest struggle lately is forgiveness. I have always felt like I have been able to forgive people easily, but it's not forgiving others so much, as it is myself. I know God is dealing with this in me, and I seem to pray a lot about things I regret in my past. I wish I had never done them, but I am daily haunted of these sins. I really believe this is a big part of the spiritual warfare that is going on in the midst of our very own lives. It is happening right now, and will not stop until God has put a stop to Satan, which is going to be an amazing thing to witness!!! If I think William Wallace is rad, wait until we see God and his army defeat Satan! I mean Gabriel and Michael are a million times cooler than superman and batman put together. When Jesus was tempted, he used scripture and prayer to get through and eventually defeated Satan and lived a sinless life. I know Satan will use what he can do to get us down, discouraged, and feeling worthless, especially when we are a threat to him. For me, as I mentioned before, I feel like I am on a higher plane now and some of my hardest struggles I had are seemingly not as difficult to overcome. The devil will pull things out of nowhere that have never been struggles before and try to stop us in our tracks and make us feel unworthy of of Gods love, or even unworthy of our family and friends love. I am speaking to myself now, because I need to hear this more than anyone. I encourage you to read "The Screwtape Letters" From C.S. Lewis. It is his depiction of how spiritual warfare is from a demons standpoint including the planning and patience that go into ruining our lives and ultimately perishing in hell. It will give you goosebumps the whole time you read it. I am really excited about Milam and Ashley's new small group they are starting tonight, which "speak of the devil"...pun intended, is going to be a group study focused on "The Screwtape Letters", and the truth about the continuous battle that takes place here on earth.

I really want to focus on memorizing the Armor of God, and put it to use every single day.

Love,
JARED

Week 2...Day 12

Its been a few days now since I have written on here. I am not doing any better, or praying anymore than what I was doing last week. But this is the beginning of a new week, so I am planning on changing that. The easiest part to forget, is making myself prepared for the day before I step out of bed. I forget this too much, so I'm going to make a note that reminds me every time I wake up, Ill see it and hopefully practice it. If I can get a good start of my day, that quick, than the rest of my day seems to be great! I recommend you trying this before leaving your bed even. Make yourself talk to God, ask and pray about the day. Focus on today, and focus on Him as you walk through your day. It works. For me, it is a must. If I do not, my day will be up and down, trying to get things done like a normal day. It not just a normal day when you start it with Christ, and spend it with Him, and you finish it with Him in prayer before sleep. It is such a joy, to look back on those days. Think of looking back on hundreds or thousands of those days? Life would seem full! It takes a strong will to do this. I hope I can pray without ceasing one of these days. But its going to take personal change and work within myself. I have to give up things. God has to shape me, and unfortunately its not an easy process usually. This is where being humbled comes to play in this whole new chapter of my life. I'm sure the days will be good and bad just like the rest. But I intend on learning from the good and the bad more than ever. I want to truly soak up every living experience I have, because I believe Wisdom is powerful. Solomon prayed for wisdom. Not money, but wisdom, and God made him one of, if not the most wise men that ever lived ( From what I understand ). Its times like these, with tests and all, we learn things that can apply later on to our life, And the lives of others.

God, Mold me. I want to be who you want me to be. I want to be like Christ. Help me, and give me the strength I need to change, and withstand your molding process. I love you.
J

Day 7, Faith

Its crazy how I wrote about having a good day yesterday, and feeling above the old ways I have struggled. Only to be pulled down by some again today. I feel as though my temptations of Self and trials I receive are never far. I know a temptation itself is no sin. But I am a sinner that falls victim to my temptations everyday, whatever they must be. Its life I guess, and it seems easy some days, and hard most others. I absolutely love C.H. Spurgeon. All though he is a bit over my head at times, he puts things the way they are, with no holding back at all. Going through the day and feeling down on myself, I went to his devotion for the evening, and it was on Faith. I love the last part of it that says:

" You are a tree that never would have rooted so well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro, and made you take firm hold upon the precious truths of the covenant grace. Worldly ease is a great foe to faith; it loosens the joints of holy valour, and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. The balloon never rises until the cords are cut; affliction doth this sharp service for believing souls. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk it is useless to man, it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value can be known. Thus it is well that Jehovah trieth the righteous, for it causeth them to grow rich towards God."

Worldly ease is a great foe to faith! Man he is good, and makes me feel tougher by reading this devotion. Earlier in the text, he said this:

"Yet no shower falls unpermitted from the threatening cloud; every drop has its order ere it hastens to the earth."

God is in control! Although I am thrown things I don't believe as a human, I can handle. Like the death of my brother. But I do believe God can handle them all. He will not allow a storm to come that I cannot survive and make it through a better, stronger, and a wiser person because God is by my side. He is my ultimate Shield from the storm.

I love you, and I am blessed to share this with you. The good news.
JARED

P.S. Satan, Here is my foot stomping on your head!

Day 6 Deisiring to be Holy

Its been a good day today. I have to admit that the depression I fight everyday, got the upper hand on me today for the first part of my day. Usually it ruins my whole day. But this evening made it all better, by spending time with my wife. Also we had fun hangin' with Chelsea tonight, just talking stories from the past week and laughing. My wife and I read devotions every night before we go to bed. Oswald Chambers had some cool things to say about God making us Holy!

"We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease. The only thing that truly matters is whether a person will accept the God who will make him holy. At all costs, a person must have the right relationship with God."

Continuous prayer brings me back to the days that I was an open book. If you are in continuous prayer, you are seeking God, and have a mental sense of whats right and whats wrong. I now feel like I am on a higher plane, and the struggles of my past are below and behind me. Also, I have a great sense of forgiveness. There are things we wish we had never done, that can haunt us at anytime. Its a scary thing that feels like it will last until you die. But that is not true. God not only forgives, but he forgets the forgiven sins of our past. So shall we! Its all about creating for ourselves, a "God Centered" life. Which means the selfish wants we have need to go away. Then God can truly give us what we need. Easier said than done no doubt. Continuous prayer, will certainly help.

Love,
JARED

Day 5. show me

So, today was a good day. I was able to snap my attention towards praying several times today while doing different things. I will take this day as a positive one on this conquest of mine.
Its real hard to make myself listen. I find myself talking to God more throughout the day, but its also about listening to him, and really focusing in on God.

This evening, milam invited me to watch a video of a debate on the evidence of Gods existance. I must say, it was very interesting to hear what these debaters had to say. All in all, it seems to me that it takes more faith to believe that there is no God, the creator, than to examine the evidence in proving that there is. I can write a book about this if I had the time and brains. We learned a lot, I will say that. Part 2 will be even more interesting from what we were told. It will be showing at the village chapel next tue. if anyone wants to come watch. You will find it interesting I promise.
I hope and pray that I can allow God to start showing me who He is more than ever. I feel the need to do this, and seek His presence. Its rad to think about what could happen in the near future. I know He will show Himself to me in a way I have never experienced Him before. What a cool ride this is!
Until tomorrow. Pray, listen, and you too will see the face of our Father.
Isaiah 41:10

Day 4

Day4, I backtracked a bit. Didn't spend as much time with Him as I have before.
Honestly, I have had 3 blogs ready to post here. None were working, so I erased and started again with a blank page. I got to be honest, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Its scary because this is not in a private journal, but on this here blog. That's the way I feel I should do it, don't get me wrong. But it scares me to think about failing. I don't want to fail in front of you. I am sure it will seem to me like I have several times during this process. I am human, and I fall a lot. But hopefully, this will change my life and teach me how to fall in the right direction. Get up, and keep moving forward. Those were my dying Brothers last words. "Keep moving Forward"
I am no different than you. This life is hard, and I am trying this process, to allow Jesus to change my life.
My whole point to this is to teach myself, to be with God every single step I make. Through thick and thin. I want to acknowledge Gods presence in my life every second I live. Our lives serve a purpose. I'm ready to find out what mine is.

Paul said it best, "To live is Christ, to die is gain."
This will be used a lot!

Love JARED

day 3

Day 3 was an exciting day for me. I was pumped about going to church this morning, so it was easy to reconnect my conversation with God from last night. When I go to church, to me it is the best time for myself to focus on being still, and just listen to see what God has in store for me. Digging in the bible and listening to pastor Randy is an hour of focusing on the word and learning what God has to show me in the bible and sermon.

I want to keep this short, not to bore you in all of my posts. The biggest thing from today, is the importance I saw in having a church family. We need community, and we also need to step outside of it as well. Love people, and see people as the eyes of God does. I drive around, and already on day 3, I am beginning to see God in almost everything around me. This is the world, not our home. But, its not hard to see God in the wind, the tree's, the grass, and birds. I see those things and it makes me smile now, and appreciate Gods work. What an awesome Creator. While in prayer with God and having an open sense of my surroundings, I do not worry or fear anything. He takes care of the birds, and bees. I love Bees! He takes care of you and me. What a beautiful God I serve.
Its was challenging to stay in constant prayer after church. Life goes on and traffic gets bad, and red lights seem to change just for me, as if I asked them to. I'm not sure, but I am sure of this. God is my Father, and "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

Father, I ask for your forgiveness of the sins I have committed today. I repent, and truly want to rise above anything that is not of you. I pray for strength to overcome mytemptations, and especially tonight, my pride. That I may humbly come before you to serve. Mold me father, into the person I need to be here on earth. Just like Christ, use me Father. Amen

blessings,
JARED

day 2 of continuous prayer

Wow, this is not going to be easy. I must say that just beginning this process, I have not come close to spending even 1/4 of my day in prayer with God. I did however pray at times I would have normally turned on music or a TV, or talk to myself.

Today I worked, and was a bit frustrated over a yard I had to do clean up on. It ended up taking me a lot longer to finish than I thought. I automatically thought to myself. Is this worth the price I am getting? should I charge more? Will this hurt my mower, and will I make it to my next appointment before dark? I realized then, I need to just pray, and understand that it was going to be okay. Take a step at a time, and talk to Jesus while I work to calm the nerves. It helped a lot. I got focused on it, and rocked the yard out one step at a time and got it done and looking nice. Next I was on my way to another house to do a bid. The family I met with was the mother of some close friends of ours. They are having to sell their house and move the family up to Illinois asap. It is going to be a big change for their family. I grew up moving all over as well. So I was able to listen and talk a bit to them about the move and how everyone was feeling about it. Blessed, they have great family members that are supporting them and helping them as much as possible. It meant a lot to see a strong family give up comfort, and move for another job that they felt was Gods will. I really respect that. I know God is going to bless them and honor their faith.

So, I need to wrap my mind around praying more. Going to God directly as soon as a problem or stress arises. goal, I must not step out of bed, until my heart, mind, and soul are ready for another day. I must make the decision as I first awake. The conversation is on and started for the day.

Dad, I pray for strength, wisdom, and you Lord by my side. Speak to me and use me tomorrow. Thank you for today. I love you Father! Amen

until tomorrow.
Love JARED

Day 1 Continuous prayer

Is it possible to pray continuously? If you are like me, it seems pretty far from possible. But, I for one believe in every word that has been written in The Holy Bible. So why does it seem so impossible? Well Oswald Chamber hit the nail in the head on this question saying, "Prayer is not a normal part of the life of the natural man. We hear it said that a person’s life will suffer if he doesn't pray, but I question that. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer. When a person is born again from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve or nourish that life. Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished."

I have been blessed with a beautiful and loving wife. Her name is Jordan, and she can tell you that I am a bit of a mind wanderer. I'm not sure if its from living in Nashville too long :-), or if I am just flat out a bad listener. But Jordan is a really good story teller, and she has some amazing stories when she comes home from work. She listens to problems all day as a hair stylist @ Trim on 12th Ave. Also, working with over 20 other stylists will create quite some drama within the shop for sure. So it's always a treat to ask Jordan, "What happened today?" It's something new and crazy every single day and she will automatically chime in on the news before I even get that question completely out of my mouth. I cant imagine listening to so many people with their problems or joys all day long. I know it's good for her to let it all out and be able to talk freely. Well, going back to my wandering mind, she usually has to snap at me a couple of times during her storytelling, or yell "HEY! look at me while I'm talking!" Then a classic roll of her eyes and a good ol' "Gahhhh." I snap back into position, looking at her as she continues. My mind...well, it starts thinking of other things several minutes after my drill sergeant Jordan snapped me back to attention quickly. I'm usually worried about things when I have a tendency to wander away. My thinking will cause me to worry myself sick sometimes. Worry about money, bills, work, i phones, yadayada. I think the excuse of me being a "man" has grown thin lately as well. I have no excuse, not even the one that claims "this is how God made me". I notice that my wandering is not just something I do with my wife. She can make me listen whether I want to hear it or not but, if I'm doing this to my wife so often, how often do I do it to God? He doesn't usually speak to me in a human voice telling me to "stop it" when I ignore Him, or as I pray for forgiveness and begin singing a Michael Jackson song in my head. God longs to spend each and every moment with us that exists. I don't know about you, but when I do pray, I seem to be more focused on things. My life is a lot clearer at times, and I seem to listen more to my wife instead of worrying about the Titans losing to the Cowboys last week. But can I totally pray without ever ceasing. Wow, if I feel better about myself after praying once or twice a day, how much better will I be if I actually prayed continually all day everyday?

I know what you are thinking, how can you pray all day? What about when I see a movie, or talking to someone, or working on homework, etc. I have been thinking the same thing, but I'm starting to slowly erase those questions as I come closer to trying. For me, I don't want to do any of those things if I'm not in conversation with God. If you think about all the time you spend Thinking to yourself during any given day, its most of your day. I know its almost all of my day. If you are going to do something that requires you to "turn God off," should you be doing it?

Frank Laubach was someone that really took scripture like, 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to heart and to another level. It simply tells us to "Pray Unceasingly." I think he took this scripture to heart as well. Ephesians 6:18 "With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints".

Frank was a missionary to the illiterate. Teaching them to read so they could understand, and truly live through Gods Word. He was known world wide about his amazing techniques around 1970. He was not satisfied with his life spiritually, so he tried a new one on himself. At 45 he decided to live in "continuous conversation with God and in a perfect responsiveness to His will." I have some of his journal entries through the first year of this new life he decided to live. He knew that he could actually teach his mind how to go straight to God when he woke up. He said, "sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set upon the Lord is settled". Also, Keep his mind in constant prayer throughout his day. It changed his life as he grew stronger, and more confident. Never worried, because he was constantly in Gods presence. At one point within the first few months, he noticed people were drawn to him like a magnet while walking down the street. He claimed he slept better than ever, and "walked on clouds." Also said "the thrill of filth repels me, for I know its power to drag me from God." My favorite, "Thou art no longer a stranger, God! Thou art the only being in the universe who is not partly a stranger!"

I want This!!! Why am I so self centered and concerned about only myself? Only to dig a deeper hole as I try to dig out on my own. I am going to write on this BLOG everyday I can, and share with you, my journey. I pray that it will encourage you to possibly do the same, or at least believe in God's Word. I know alone I am not capable of doing this. I'm scared to even say I'm going to try, only to reveal how I failed a week later. But, God has the power within me. Did you know that with Jesus in our hearts, we have power over Satan? We have the power of God within us, anything is possible. If we give everything to Christ alone, we have Gods favor. The hard part is getting rid of my pride and self. I have begun, and already feel God in these words I type.

Hold Fast,

JARED